A scary routine

The past month has been pretty busy. I spend my days asking where my mom needs to go and try not to complain and take her to all the places she needs to go or wants to go. Help with what ever cleaning needs to be done in the house etc etc
I also spend my days listening to the people around me rant about things i wish i knew what it was like to rant about. I cant concentrate on what they talk about but i will do my best to listen n be there for them. Outwardly i am not a jealous person, lately i have been getting more depressed about everything i can not do rather than what i can. . . which i still think is nothing because i basically think its true.
Many of my friends just started there new school programs and some even new jobs that they have wanted for a very long time. Some just complain that they have to change their job or change their courses etc everytime anyone of them talks about school or work . . . . well best way to describe it would be like its a slight cut in me where my dreams used to be. Everytime its mentions or brought up its like a knife slices down the same cut, with each mention the cut gets deeper and deeper and deeper and its like the pain gets worse and there is no end to how deep this cut will go.

I feel like it isnt right to feel the way i have been feeling so i resent the people i feel jealous of and in a way shut down around them.
I find im being told what to do all the time no matter what kind of day i have not that anyone cares, but reguardless of my feelings im still told everything i should do. Its ironic slightly because when im not being told what do to i feel lost. Ive been comanded all the time that i dont seem to have my own feelings or dont acknowledge them because most of the time it doesnt exist. Ive gotten to the point where i feel im intitled to nothing no matter what.
But im noticing more now that im angry and hurt and irritated and devalued that im always being told what to do reguardless of how i feel, and never really asked how im feeling and what i want to do.
Even if i was asked what i want to do and how i feel, i wouldnt be able to answer because i dont know at this point in my life. I focus on others, all my life is right now is focusing on others and their problems and helping them. Which there is no problem in really, but im starting to realize that i need to take care of myself too that i matter too. Because i would be useless to those who need me if i dont help myself eventually. But its learning how to help myself that im having trouble with. I dont know if i should talk to someone, just blog about it, call a therapist, call myself crazy, etc etc.
I guess its something that i have to find out for myself. Just wish it was easier and not fragile and difficult.