A lot to think about

Well its May and we had snow for the first few days how lame is that!
Anyways the past few weeks have been pretty jammed packed with emotional situations, that caused a lot of thoughts and questions to come up.
Ive felt really lost lately, trying to figure out what im suppose to be doing or feeling or even have feeling at all.
I dont think i accomplised anything, im not in school or working or make a big difference, I just sit at home or in the hospital not doing much.
Some people I know think that im crazy, that I am doing something and not nothing, even if im sitting in a hospital bed taking chemo for three days straight for seven hours a day and then recovering for another two weeks to be taken down again by another dose of chemo. . . and i think they are nuts. . . But I have to admitt its really nice to hear that someone thinks im doing something and that they are proud of me, even though im not doing anything but being a patient.
No one really says those things to me, just the Ohh hang in there, Dont worry its all in Gods hands, oh your a strong girl your gonna get through it, Just a few more cycles.
Yes those words are some what helpful in me pushing through, but its just like everyone wants something from me or they just tell me those things so they make themselves feel better because they dont know what else to say.
Yeah i know im strong Yeah i know im going to get through it Yeah i know its all in Gods hands, it trully gets really annoying when you hear this several times a day everyday for years!!!
I know people dont know any better and that i hear this from everyone, but i actually get excited when someone says something new or different than the clique says everyone has.
But when someone can look at me and say that im doing something and that ive done great so far and that they are proud of me and what i do *even if its nothing* that, that trully touches me and means so much that I dont think of the pain and the emotional and mental agony I have coming to me the next time I have treatment. For the moment I feel like I did something and that theres a reason for why im going through what I do, and if someones there to tell me that their proud of me I believe that Its possible to get through the long weeks ahead.