March 19-26th 2010 The month from "Hell"

Okay so i realize its been well over a month since ive written anything, so heres what happened in March. Not a fun time, actually got lower than i felt in a very long time. Id fully admitt that i was most likely Depressed about my life and my situation etc.
In all my years of having treatment i have only gotten fever twice where i actually had to go in the ER n get treated immediately. I find it funny how even i forget that most times the cancer wont be whats kills me....its bacteria and germs that i cant fight against. The most dangerous of all is at night when ur body is resting, this is when these bacteria and bugs flurish.
I think this might be a reason why i dont sleep very well, theres always a fear that i have a bacteria bug growing and if i sleep id go into septic shock and basically pass away in my sleep.
....
March 19th 2010
-Notice CVC area is a little swollen, red and tender to the touch.

March 20th 2010
- Very rough night can't sleep, i knew something wasnt right, something was very wrong. I checked my temperature i was running a fever of 100.3 This was about 4am trying not to panic i called triage at the cross to get some advice on what to do. Triage wasnt on duty till 8:30am so they asked me to wait if i could. So i hung up and tryed to get back to sleep, but my chest was really sore and my neck, i couldnt turn my head without my muscles stinging. The pain was getting worse so i called cross again at 5am I told them that i couldnt wait any longer and I needed to talk to someone asap, they transfered me to the nurse supervising when i explained my situation she told me to get the nearest Emergency Room as fast as possible. So woke my dad up and told him i had a fever n needed to get to the ER NOW, at 6am we reached Grey Nuns ER where i have a priority level of 2, there are only five levels 1 being the most dyer need. We waited about an hr n i was in getting checked out. They were sure that i had an infection from the swelling and tenderness, they were concerned that it would move into my bloodstream which would be potentially fatal, apparently if i had waited any longer . . . .well yeah. Next thing i know im wheeled into the ER beds in the back where i have to undergo an Emergency CVC removal surgery IN THE ER!!!
Now a days i find it very hard to cry or show much emotion at all, I tell u now that i can burst into tears at any moment after that surgery, i havent felt pain like that since my first chemo treatment. PURE HELL, it took all of my being not to freak out from the pain so i just started crying and tryed not to move to the surgon to take the line out of my chest. This involved local freezing, removal of stiches and cutting the tube out. To lighten the mood the surgon asked if i wanted to keep my line, i said yes through watery eyes n was like what the hell y dont i keep this tube from hell as a reminder of what pain is!!!!!!!!!
Once the tube was removed, my bp had plumated to 70/40, they were surprised i was still concious n wasnt blacking out even when laying down. 12hrs later i was admitted into the Grey Nuns and was transfered to the pediatric unit as ER overflow.
I went through countless pokes and blood cultures and ultrasounds and tests to make sure the staff infection wasnt getting into my bloodstream, n that the bloodclot they found wasnt getting any bigger which just meant more pokes really.
Anyways i was stuck in Grey nuns hospital for 5 days i was Discharged on March 24th at 3pm but i would have to take IV antibiotics EVERYDAY at the hospital IV clinic for 14days.
So on April 7th i was done with Grey nuns and the freak infection that i got that almost killed me. i was also without a Center line the first time in months and i was free from tubes sticking out of me, i was SOOO happy about that part! =) id have a few weeks of rest.

Anyway Because of the infection and of how alone i felt i didnt blog i was trully to depressed to even think about blogging at all. I was smacked in the face with the fact that i forgot that i could die from a simple skin bacteria that everyone has and lives with perfectly, but because i have no immune system it could of been a life threatening situation. March 20th I could of died.........BUT i didnt which i guess is the point.