The Buried life / The Bucket list

So theres a new show on MTV called the Buried life about 4 young men doing things that they want to do before they die. I still have yet to watch this show, apparently its cute and of course it sounds appealing =). Also a movie called The Bucket List, loved it i could relate even more so now.

So the past week ive been racking my brain going almost nuts with myself because,. . . . . .What do i want to do before i die. Which to me would almost seem like a simple question if i wasnt sick. I mean those 4 yound men as far as i know are not sick and are perfectly healthy and i totally emplore the idea of going out into the world and making your dreams come true by taking initiative and going out there and making things happen!!!
Its an amazing lesson to be learned and to grasp and they have and im soo happy that they have a show to support this idea and spread the word to everyone and anyone they can.

But im 19 years old, I have Ewing sarcoma, Ive had a relapse in under a few months of being told i was "Cancer free" only to have my life shattered again. Now all thats left for me is to pray and believe and hope that miracles can happen, that medical science will find something for me, that the cure will come maybe not in time for me but come soon for those in the future. But hope that medical science is wrong when they say if experimental drugs do not sustain me from this point or any other alternative treatments I have few years left.

How does someone take that information and process it over time!? Its been about two months now and i still dont want to even go near the subject it hurts too much, its not possible for a 19yr old to get over something like that quickly. At least in my case it is. I try to stop asking myself why, how, who, when, what, and where!?
I try not to get into that dark place where the feeling of despair and self pity and hopelessness reside. The feeling of giving up again just loves to creep up on me.

If I have only a few more years on this earth, what do I want to do before I die?!. . . . . . . .what?!
I dont even know how to answer because at the moment I have this numb feeling, like why try whats the point.
And its weird cuz when I say that I have to work myself up again and remember what the point is, Which is that you have the chance now so just do it, LIVE. But its soo much easier said than done, doing what you want when you want takes money and time and energy, which seriously i dont have a lot of haha.. . . . . ha ha..... yeahh

This is going to be a big question for me. . . . its something i dont know how to answer its something i have to think about really hard. I dont know if i think ill sound stupid for what i really want to do or if i just dont want others to know what i really want to do, or if others would even approve at all. . .
Since I have a few more years am I deamed to think really big or really small?!?! Am I gonna be stereotyped by this fact as I am with Cancer.
Because for me simple things are major things for me, to normal people you dont think twice, to a girl like me little things mean more than the world!

So tell me, . . . . . Whats something you really want to do before you die, If you have only a few more years to live?!