Stress list

Okay so doctors have told me that listing stuff down is good for you, kind of a way just to look at it on paper instead of thinking in your head and you might miss stuff etc!
So i figured i have tones of stresses and things to think about that i feel my head will implode, so i said what the hey why dont i make a list of all my stresses or the ones i can think of and see if i get any relief. I mean the worst that can happen is that it doesnt help, and i get a list of all the things i think about which is a bonus!!!

Daily Stress/thoughts List

-Cancer
-Cancer treatment
-Cancer side effects
-Cancers ultimate goal
-Death by cancer which would fucking suck, id rather have some freak gay accident. . . .or really not think about death at all, and not die but live.
-My sad reality of death being a factor i have to think about
-How this fucking illness isnt just killing me but my family and all my relationships
-Thinking about if i will leave anything behind if i die, did anyone care, did anyone really see me, or will i just fade away just like my body would over time.
-If there are other clinicial drugs i am qualified for
-If i really do have to do standard treatment again
-Am i gonna have to quit school. . . .again and feel more retarded than ever
-If i find a drug what the side effects will be
-Will i be able to handle a more intense treatment with school work
-My insanely sad relationship with my family
-Will i be able to hold it together when im with relatives because im not telling them
-Can i sustain my almost failing friendships with being to tired and weak to go out, and them not understanding.
-Being extremely delicate with my friendships and carefully think about what exactly i tell my friends indiviually depending on how much i think they can handle.
-If im being stupid being so considerate or maybe lack of consideration on what others can handle.
-How many true friends i have
-If ill have the strength to keep going for more. . .treatment more pokes more pain
-How much longer i can go through the physical pain, Emotional pain and mental pain
-What lables will i get this time round
-Will i look and feel like road kill again
-Will anyone understand anything, when sometimes i dont
-Trying to comfort those who have rough days with my illness, while attempting to comfort myself.
-What this is doing my to parents, there only daughter protected by everything else but cant protect her from cancer
-Is it my fault
-Shaken faith im worried i cant get back, . . . . .i find it hard to pray for myself but can pray for others
-My internal mood swings are giving me a whip lash
-People must think im crazy, and that i need professional help. And maybe they are right, but if they are does that mean im actually crazy!
-If treatment doesnt work............................How much time will i have.