June 2nd 2008

Okay so grad weekend is over and i must say that it was the most fun I have had in well let’s face it my entire life! Okay so just to recap on the past events my last chemo finished around may 6th and then i had a bit of a break and then did blood work may 13th and then found out i was neutropenic and then that my plates were really really low like they got to 3 when in a normal person they would be around 140-180 so that is really really bad! Then they made me do blood work again on the Friday which was may 15th and then i had a short break and did blood work on Monday the 19th and then again on the 22nd and i was scheduled to go in for a check up before grad weekend on the 27th of May which is the day of one of my best friends 18th birthday! And boy did she have fun lol. At this point i was sooo excited for me graduation i couldn’t believe that it was finally here! I would finally get my makeup done for the first time by a professional. . . i would get to wear a gorgeous dress that i absolutely love but it was absolutely to expensive! But i must say i was a bit disappointed and extremely sad when i woke up Friday and saterday morning because i knew that i was going to this graduation for sentimental purposes only and that i wouldn’t be graduating for real like i was supposed to and i wished i was!
But like always i just buck up and on with the day and try to have fun, while trying to ignore the fact that this graduation wasn’t happening for me! So Friday we were doing commencement at St. Teresa’s church. It was a long ceremony and it just so happens that i missed the hat toss at the school! Because we were late in getting out of the car and getting to school on time! But ohh well thats fine with me! Although i would have loved to do it, i could always pretend by throwing my hat in my house i mean i did get to keep the hat and tassel. So the end of night one was done, now it was getting prepared for night two the bigger night! The night where everyone was supposed to feel beautiful . . . . . .
Well I felt a lot of things but beautiful wasn’t one of them for a really really really long time! And i doughted that i Could feel beautiful the next day for grad. The day when everyone is freaking out about getting their hair done . . . which i didn’t have. . . about getting there makeup done. . . . for God sake i had to put fake eyelashes and eyebrows and wear a darker shade of concealer to look normal. . . to put that dress on and feel like a princess. . . .i felt like a complete phony! I didn’t feel beautiful but i felt content and excited just for another night with my friends! Every compliment i got of course didn’t feel genuine i mean everyone wants everyone to be happy and i’m sure most ment what they said but a lot of people just say Oh my Gosh you look great/beautiful/gorgeous etc just because! Some of the girls looked fantastic some looked like they couldn’t breath! Some looked ridiculous and some looked like they never felt better in their life. It was defiantly a night everyone would remember including me dispite the way i felt! I had fun and made the best out of what i could! We look pictures we danced we chatted we walked we did a lot of things and we had fun!
They even did a little reminder and references about Kayla St Cyr. . . that was very sweet and it almost made me cry!! Then when the ceremony was over and it was time to Party we couldn’t wait haha. We got home around 11:30pm and i changed as fast i could and then bolted to school with my 16 oz of cooler that i was probably not going to finish and we had soo much fun! We ran around danced pretended that we were drunk and we were entertained by our school mate that were actually drunk now that is true entertainment haha.
Apart from Grad and everything i am in the hospital and i was supposed to get Chemo but i am getting delayed because i developed a virus by the name of Shingles and its almost lke an after shock of chicken pox! When you get the chicken pox some of the virus can hide out in your spinal nerves. And only when your immune system is compremised in some manner would these cells decide to flare up and react! So i have a very red and bubbly rash and it hurts SOO much i can bearly move my back! And its not muscles or my bone its my nerves and that is very painful i didn’t think you could get pain in your nerves and now i know its something that seriously hurts and is very painful!!!