So i thought the closer grad came the more excited i would get but i'm finding that the closer it comes the more depressed and angry and sad i get!!! I keep thinking that it was supposed to be my year TOO. . . i was supposed to be freaking over my hair my nails and my dress and all that jazz. instead i have to worry about fixing a wig! and if i should get fake nails or not because my real nails fell off and are just starting to grow back!!!!
It was the one day that i like every other girl is supposed to feel pretty, and i havent felt pretty since November! and i'm starting to think that i never will again! The closer grad comes the more i'm reminded that everyone is about to take a big step forward! and like always i'm being left behind and i'm completly and uterly STUCK!!! i feel like im in a pool of sinking sand. . . . im stuck in one position and the more i try to move the faster i go down. . im in this pool and i can see everyone moving along and not caring what happens to me, and just watching me go down and eventually i'll be completely submerged and no one will even budge or move or even remember me!
I find myself becoming very self conciouse now a days i'm always being ranted on. . like nothing i do is good enough for people they always want more. . i thought i was doing my best and that my best was good enough! I've been strong for everyone havent i?? i've been making this Cancer shit look WAY TO FUCKING EASY FOR EVERYONE! its because i'm so strong that i'm expected to do more and more and more and push and push and push and not stop because i guess they want to see how far they can push me over the edge to see how strong i really am and to see when i will snap and break! Now a days i just have a i dont care whats the point attitude i just dont know what to do with myself anymore!