The days i feared the most are already here! The days where i find out that i'm no longer in my friends lives loop, i dont know whats going on and i always have to ask otherwise i'm always left in the dark!!! The days where my Friends are planning to move away for college and are so excited to be on there own and with my Cancer its not making it any easier for me to get my parents to let me go out on my own any more. If they have it there way i would stay home for the rest of my life! and i wouldnt be leaving them i would always be under there CLOSE CLOSE watch making sure i was doing everything right and doing everything i was supposed to do!!!!
I'm no longer really in my friends thoughts when they make there plans i'm just basically lost now! not needed as i used to be, my company is no longer wanted any where i go with my "friends" i feel almost like i'm a nusence to them and that they rather have me be stuck in the hosptial somewhere so they didnt have to worry about me!
What do you do when you feel like that? Its gonna be an interesting few years a head of me, having my friends go away and me being stuck with a whole bunch of grade 11ers its not that i dont like them but i would rather be with my friends of course but i also know that i learn a lot better in a class room! i have so much pressure on me i dont know what to do any more! I feel usless and unwanted by everyone even my family!
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hey darling,
every once in a while i come and read your blog. i dont know if i ever told you. i always find it so hard to comment cuz i never know what to say. i kinna feel bad but the next day i just try and give you an extra big hug to show i care. i dont know why but i never really been able to talk to you about what you've had to go throught this year. i've tried to be there the whole way and lately its been a lot harder to do stuff with you cuz i've got so much on the go. i try and i know that the best that i can do but it never feels like i've done enough. i want you to know that i love you way to much and every time i read your blog your words bring me to tears cuz no matter how much i or any one else is there for you you stilll gunna hurt and feel the pain that you go through everyday because of this horrible thing that you have to live with . you need to know that iwe still need you and that with out you life sucks. and this year has sucked so bad because it hasn't turned out the way that it was suppose to. You wont stand out like a sore thumb at grad, but i promise you that you will stand out because you are the most beautiful woman in the world and you are gunna look stunning in your dress and you wont look near as fake as lot of other people will. trust me. im saying a lot that here that i havent been able to say to you face to face because somedays the words are just to hard to find because of all the pain, but i gotta say them.
I lovee you girl and you are my hero
love you forever and always
sd
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